Returning
by Cassie5squared
Summary: After a confrontation with Harry that ended rather painfully on both sides, and a lot of soul-searching, Remus Lupin has decided to return and try to make amends for running out on Tonks. He's not really looking forward to the frosty reception he knows he's likely to get.


Remus's heart was pounding as he approached the familiar front door. He'd been here so many times over the past couple of months... but not since the wedding at the Burrow, not since the world had gone crashing to the ground at the hands of Voldemort. Not in the last four days.

He squirmed inwardly, thinking of the way he'd behaved - panicking and taking the opportunity to run off, leaving Tonks, pregnant, all on her own; going to find Harry in the hope of finding a mission to lose himself in; blasting the young man across 10 Grimmauld Place's kitchen for calling him a coward... The look of shock and pain on Harry's face as he hit the wall was burned into Remus's mind. He understood exactly what Harry had been trying to tell him now, and why he'd been so angry and upset.

He'd have to apologise somehow - to Harry, to all three of them, for the way he'd behaved. But not now. Right now there was an even more important apology to be made.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door, fighting the panicked urge to turn and run immediately. This was his last chance to keep something - _someone_ \- that made him happy, and if he threw it away now... he really would deserve everything he got.

Footsteps approached, and he swallowed, trying to prepare something to say -

The door opened slowly, and Andromeda's face appeared in the narrow gap. Her expression turned from wariness to cold disapproval in an instant. "...Hello, Remus," she said icily. "I didn't expect to see you here."

He could feel his face burning with shame. Of course Tonks would have told her parents everything. "I - I'm sorry to intrude," he faltered, "but I was hoping - I mean, if she's here - I wanted to talk to T- Nymphadora."

There was a blaze of temper in her eyes, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to look as penitent and meek as possible. Anything to persuade her to let him in, just to try to explain...

She sighed and stepped back. "You may as well come in. I can't guarantee she'll be willing to talk to you, though, after the way you've behaved."

He slipped in hastily, aware that it was a bad idea to leave a front door open these days, and nodded as it clicked shut. "I appreciate that. But she deserves an explanation, at least, for my actions."

"We'll see." She turned on her heel and swept into the living room without another word, leaving him to follow on his own. He couldn't really blame her for the frosty reception; not only was he someone she couldn't ever have wanted her daughter to marry, but then he'd dumped her and their baby and run off at the first sign of trouble. Andromeda would have been well within her rights to hex him in the face.

A voice came through from the kitchen as he entered the living room. "Who was it, Mum?"

"Remus says he wants to -"

" _Remus_?" There was a clatter - probably a chair being knocked over - and suddenly Tonks was at the kitchen doorway, looking stunned, overjoyed, and angry all at once at the reappearance of her missing husband. Merlin, he'd forgotten how beautiful she was.

The mood was not helped by the arrival of her father. Ted was looking nowhere near as friendly as usual, glowering at Remus almost as icily as Andromeda. As if there hadn't been enough proof he'd messed up...

"You've got some nerve showing your face here," Tonks said finally, apparently having settled on _angry_. "What do you want now? Another lecture about all the ways you're the wrong person for me and I should've picked someone else?"

"No." That, at least, he could say with confidence. "I came back because I - I realised..." Her parents' glares were not making this any easier. "Can I talk to you alone? Please? Just five minutes is all I'm asking. If you're not satisfied by then I'll go, I promise."

Her eyes gleamed a little too brightly, but she blinked fiercely and set her jaw. "Fine. Five minutes. We can talk in the dining room." Storming past him, she jerked her head in the direction of the right door and threw it open, managing to avoid tripping on the rug on the way. Shooting an apologetic look at Ted and Andromeda, he followed her hastily and waited until the door was shut.

"Five minutes starts now," Tonks said, perching on the table and folding her arms, refusing to meet his eyes. She looked young and vulnerable despite the attempt to keep her temper up, and he felt a lump in his throat at the sight.

"...All right." He took a shaky breath. "I - I messed up, Tonks. I mean I _really_ messed up. I was scared, I thought I'd - the baby -"

"I know what you thought about the baby." Her voice wobbled.

"I was scared it'd hate me," he confessed, trying to stay calm. "Even if it's lucky enough _not_ to be like me, it'd have a father who nobody would even give the time of day. And you'd hate me if it _was_ like me, for making you have to deal with it. Like my parents did. I didn't want that life for you, having to move around to keep it hidden, or... getting so worn out you got old before your time."

"You say that like I'd have had to deal with it all alone!" she snapped, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. "I've got Mum and Dad to help, we've both got loads of friends who know and don't mind about your problem - what makes you think they'd mind about our _kid_ , Remus?!" She stood up, approaching him and raising her voice. "Everyone who knows and cares about us wants you to be _happy_ , to have a _family_ \- the only person who has a problem with all of this is _you_! What the hell is so terrible about this? Do you really think that little of everyone around you, that they'll just dump you and run off?"

"No - I didn't - I was _stupid_ , Tonks -"

"Damn right you were!" she nearly yelled, and the tears broke loose. "If you hate being with me so much, why the hell did you agree to marry me?"

"It's not like that!" He could feel his eyes burning with unshed tears now as he fought not to shout back at her. "I was scared, I was stupid, and I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you - I've just been so bloody scared _of_ hurting you that I thought I'd do less harm if I was out of the way! And I was wrong!" He turned away and ran his hands through his hair, trying to get a grip on the urge to break down as he gulped for air. "I was so bloody wrong... I just didn't realise how stupid I was till Harry made me see..."

"You saw Harry?" She sounded startled. "When?"

"Earlier. He's hidden somewhere safe for now."

"...What'd he say?"

His shoulders slumped, and he turned back towards her slightly, though he avoided her eyes. "...I offered to go with him on whatever mission Dumbledore left him. He said no - that James wouldn't want me to do that when I had my own family to take care of." He bit his lip, ashamed. "I got angry and argued with him. He put his foot down... called me a coward. I couldn't take it..." The image of Harry's shocked face flashed before his eyes again. "I stormed out. I was too angry to talk any more. But I spent a while alone. I calmed down enough to actually think about what he said. And I realised he was right."

Straightening up, he faced her squarely, bracing for another explosion but making himself talk anyway. "I never should have left. I didn't want to - I just thought I was doing it for the best, and I hurt both of us. I'm sorry, Tonks. I am so, so sorry I hurt you like this. I'll understand if it's not good enough, but if you'll let me, I'll stay, and I won't abandon you or our baby again."

She was pale, wide-eyed, clearly stunned. He wished he dared put his arms around her.

Then she burst into tears and flung herself at him, hugging him fiercely till he had no choice but to hug back or risk falling over. "You _tosser_!" she sobbed, burying her face in his chest. "You absolute bloody _arsehole_ , Remus Lupin! If you ever - if I - don't you _ever_ do this to me again, I swear, I'll hex your sodding arse off..."

He managed to muffle the startled laugh that nearly escaped, and just smiled instead while she wasn't looking. "I'll deserve it," he said, voice shaking with relief, and hid his face in her bubblegum-pink hair.


End file.
